Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
