those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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