omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
