i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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