3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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