Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
