Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
