Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
