well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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