Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize