dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
