he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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