Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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