just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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