when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
