did you get engaged???
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
