I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
