just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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