was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
