when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
