when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize