Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just had sex on a roof
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
