She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
