At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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