i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
