Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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