Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
