Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize