I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize