Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
