I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
