So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
