Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
