I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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