Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
