so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
