All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
