***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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