I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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