Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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