Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
