Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
