Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
