ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he fucked my hip out of place.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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