I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I wanna passion pit in your ass
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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