Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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