i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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