and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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