My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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