forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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