Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
