My Higher Power is John Stamos
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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