he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
How external is "for external use only"?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
