Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You were trust falling into bushes
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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