my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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