Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
