That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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