I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
