new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize