That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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