If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
