i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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