I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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