We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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