Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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