i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I wish i was in the wii world.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
