i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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