Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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