Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
