you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
