My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
