What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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